Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
