I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
