I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This couple is walking their pig around campus
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
