I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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