cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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