Ambien. No doubt about it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
