8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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