Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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