Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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