This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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