we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
