oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
