we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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