if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
