I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
