Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
