"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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