Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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