I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize