I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
