haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
