I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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