Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
