I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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