my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
