I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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