I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
