well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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