You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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