Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize