I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
