There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
