I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
