Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
