you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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