I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
