oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
