Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
