so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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