our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
