didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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