and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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