Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
