his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
