I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
