I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
