i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
