I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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