I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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