Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
