Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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