so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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