Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
