Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
