i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize