someone threw a dead crab at me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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