Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
