Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
