Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
