is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
