my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
