Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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