fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
