Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
