he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
