im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize