i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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