omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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