I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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