1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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