covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
