Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
