I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
