So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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