You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
