I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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