dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
