Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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