Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
