dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The air taste purple.
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