Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
