I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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