Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
