hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
