im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
