Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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