Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
