Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
