So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is Oprah even human
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
