you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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