It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Randomize
