Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
