don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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