I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
