I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
