Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
