it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
