That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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