Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
People in love make me want to vomit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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