youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
