Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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