Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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