Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
