you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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