I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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